Monday, May 24, 2010
guys i grew up with in mesquite tx./via FB
ronald hicks married maria burns.
frank and hans burns.
mrs burns/ mom.
farrell taylor.
leslie burns.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
mr chris lilly
i sent mr lilly a facebook message telling him how great his new book is.
and it really is a super book. the best bbq book i own. sr
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Stow-A-Way Potlucker and Glass Baker Set (3-pc.)
Rachael Ray Stow-A-Way Potlucker and Glass Baker Set:
Includes one large Stow-A-Way Potlucker and one 9x13-in. Covered Glass Baker.
Rach's glass baker is microwave, fridge, freezer and oven safe up to 425º. The lid is custom made, great for stacking, and easy to get on and off. Caution - let your hot food cool for 15 minutes after removing from oven before using lid.
You’ll love this Stow-A-Way Potlucker all year round! It holds most 9x13-in. or 10x15-in. baking dishes, and is perfect for holidays, potlucks, church suppers, picnics and so much more. If you want to arrive with your food at the perfect temperature this bag is for you!
Features:
# High-density Thermal Insulation with Therma-Flect® Reflective Barrier
# Ultra Safe™ Easy Clean Lining
# Padded Carry Handle
# Folds Flat for Easy Storage
# Holds most 9x13-in. and 10x15-in. Baking Dishes
(Item #275532) w7
Product Characteristics:
Material: Potlucker: Polyester. Baker: Glass.
Dimensions: Potlucker: 11x18.5x1.5-in. Baker: 9x13-in.
Cleaning & Care: Baker: Dishwasher Safe
Origin: China
Many query 'how do I delete Facebook account'
Commentary: But privacy maelstrom won't deter most users
By Therese Poletti, MarketWatch
SAN FRANCISCO (MarketWatch) -- Facebook is in the eye of a storm.
And most of that tumult is of its own making. Ever since the social networking darling unveiled last month what it calls social plug-ins that share user "like" information with other websites, it has been a target of a new round of criticism and kvetching.
The Palo Alto, Calif. company has also come under attack by senators on Capitol Hill, and consumer privacy groups are asking the Federal Trade Commission to examine Facebook's privacy policies and disclosures.
Facebook delivered the most banner ads to users in the U.S. in the first quarter of the year, pulling ahead of Yahoo for the first time, according to market research firm comScore. Jessica Vascellaro has details.
In a complaint requesting the FTC to investigate, the Electronic Privacy Information Center called Facebook's business practices "unfair and deceptive." See Facebook news here.
Closely held Facebook is on the defensive. Its vice president of communications and public policy, Elliot Shrage, who joined Facebook from Google Inc. responded to questions on the New York Times Bits blog on Tuesday. One takeaway, amid an acknowledgment that "we are not doing a good enough job communicating the changes" was this advice: "If you are not comfortable sharing, don't."
It's a point everyone who is on Facebook should consider.
Many Facebook users are now looking at their privacy settings and Googling themselves to see what non-friends can see about them on Facebook via the Internet. And many people appear to be looking up how to delete their Facebook profile. On Wednesday, the fifth suggestion in Google when you start to type in "how do I" is "how do I delete my Facebook account."
But for all those who are complaining, it's not likely that more than a small minority of its now 400 million-plus users will actually stop using the addictive social network anytime soon.
For people who like to share photos, videos, messages and invitations with groups of friends, it's hard to imagine going back to the tedious process of sending out group emails, looking up birthdays, searching address books and -- gasp -- making actual phone calls to check in with friends.
"We don't see much evidence that people are streaming off Facebook," said Augie Ray, a Forrester Research analyst. "I've only seen a couple of people who have announced that they have deleted their Facebook account. It doesn't seem like a wave to me."
It's still too early to tell if Facebook's torrential growth will take a hit, but some analysts see that as unlikely this time around. Its last privacy kerfuffle, around the Beacon system that alerted friends to your purchases and other activities, drew lots of attention and apologies and changes from Facebook. Last year, Facebook shut Beacon down as part of a class action lawsuit settlement, but its growth continued to soar.
As recent proof that it's also becoming a factor in the Internet advertising area, comScore Inc. said on Tuesday that Facebook jumped ahead of Yahoo Inc. quotes for the first time delivering more banner ads in the U.S. than any other website publisher. Read Wall Street Journal story on comScore news.
Facebook itself is touting impressive numbers of websites using its new plug-ins. On Tuesday, it said over 100,000 websites have adopted Facebook's instant personalization features.
For example, if you visit the ABC News website, you can see the number of people on Facebook who like a particular story. If you are also logged into Facebook at the same time, you get a more detailed view on the ABC site of who among your friends like certain stories. (A popular story among my friends is "Quitting Facebook, What happens when you deactivate?")
But Facebook is walking a fine line. On the one hand, it hosts a treasure trove of data on the personal preferences and "likes" of its users for advertisers, which is how it generates revenue. On the other hand, it touts itself as a safe neighborhood where people go to hang out with their friends.
"They need to make their social data accessible to other systems and advertisers to monetize this whole repository of data," said Ray Valdes, a Gartner Inc. analyst. But they also need "to preserve the quality of the user experience...There are conflicting motives and incentives that Facebook has to deal with. This tension will continue to happen."
According to the Electronic Frontier Foundation, which describes Facebook's "eroding privacy policy" on its website, Facebook's privacy policy has "transformed into a platform where much of your information is public by default."
Facebook probably doesn't really want users to activate all the settings that make a profile more private and less public. The settings get more complex with each change Facebook makes. (Among the onslaught of stories on how to adjust your privacy settings, The Business Insider has a good post, with screenshots of the lengthy process.) See Business Insider post about how to protect your Facebook privacy.
How Facebook fares through these latest privacy issues may determine its future growth and its eventual initial public offering.
"It could be the beginning of a chronic affliction to the Facebook brand," Valdes said. "If that starts to stick to the brand, that might have some damaging effects over the long term."
Therese Poletti is a senior columnist for MarketWatch in San Francisco.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Pulled Pork Sandwich with Black Pepper Vinegar Sauce and Green Onion Slaw
Recipe courtesy Bobby Flay, 2008
Show: Throwdown with Bobby Flay Episode: Pulled Pork
Ingredients
Dry Rub:
* 1 cup ancho chili powder
* 1/3 cup Spanish paprika
* 3 tablespoons ground dried oregano
* 3 tablespoons ground coriander
* 3 tablespoons dry mustard
* 1 tablespoon ground cumin
* 1 tablespoon kosher salt
* 1 tablespoon freshly ground black pepper
* 2 teaspoons chile de arbol
* 1 (6-pound) pork shoulder
* Salt and freshly ground black pepper
* Chicken stock, if needed
Black Pepper Vinegar Sauce:
* 1/4 cup rice wine vinegar
* 2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
* 2 teaspoons honey
* 1/2 teaspoon whole black peppercorns
* Salt
* 1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoons canola/olive oil blend
* Water, if needed
Green Onion Slaw:
* 1 cup coarsely chopped green onions
* 1/4 cup red wine vinegar
* 2 serrano chiles
* 2 tablespoons mayonnaise
* Salt and freshly ground black pepper
* 1/2 cup pure olive oil
* 1 head purple cabbage, finely shredded
* 1 small red onion, halved and thinly sliced
* 1/4 cup freshly chopped cilantro leaves
* Hamburger buns, for serving
* Special equipment: lump charcoal, wood chips soaked in water for 15 minutes, smoker or charcoal grill
Directions
For the Dry Rub:
Add all the dry rub ingredients into a medium-sized bowl and stir until thoroughly combined.
For the pork shoulder:
Place the pork, fat side up, on a clean baking sheet. Season the pork on all sides with salt and pepper then rub the dry rub all over the pork, pressing into the meat. Cover the pork with plastic wrap and place into the refrigerator for 7 hours.
Black Pepper Vinegar Sauce:
Place all the ingredients into a blender and blend until emulsified. Add water if the sauce is too thick.
Green Onion Slaw:
Place the green onions, vinegar, chiles, mayonnaise, salt, pepper and oil into a blender and blend until emulsified. Place the cabbage and red onions in a bowl, add the dressing and stir until combined. Fold in the cilantro and season with salt and pepper, to taste.
For the pork shoulder:
Remove the pork from the refrigerator 30 minutes prior to cooking.
Following manufacturer's instructions and using lump charcoal and 1/2 cup drained wood chips for a smoker, or 1 cup for a barbecue, start fire and bring temperature of smoker or barbecue to 225 degrees F to 250 degrees F. Place the pork on the rack in smoker or barbecue. Cover and cook until an instant-read thermometer inserted into the center of the pork reaches 165 degrees F. Turn pork every 45 minutes, about 6 hours total. If using the smoker, after 2 hours place the pork into the smoker pan and fill halfway with chicken stock. (This is to prevent the shoulder from drying out.)
Add more charcoal, as needed, to maintain 225 degrees F to 250 degrees F and more wood drained wood chips (1/2 cup for the smoker or 1 cup for the barbecue with each addition) to maintain smoke level.
Transfer pork to a clean rimmed baking sheet. Let stand until cool enough to handle. Shred into bite-size pieces. Mound on platter and toss with most of the Black Pepper Vinegar Sauce, reserving the rest for drizzling the bun. Pour any juice from the baking sheet over the pork.
Chef's Note: This can be made 1 day ahead. Transfer the pork and any juices to a baking dish. Cover with foil and chill. Before continuing, re-warm pork, covered, in a 350 degrees F oven for about 30 minutes.
For assembly:
Drizzle the sauce on the top and bottom of the bun. Top the bottom bun with the meat, another drizzle of sauce, Green Onion Slaw and finish with the top of the bun.
***************************************************************************************
Pulled Pork Sandwich
Recipe courtesy Tyler Florence
Show: Tyler's Ultimate Episode: Ultimate Pulled Pork
Ingredients
* 1 boneless pork shoulder (about 4 to 41/2 pounds)
* 4 tablespoons kosher salt
* 1 tablespoon freshly ground black pepper
* 1 1/2 cups light brown sugar
* 1/4 cup paprika
* 2 to 3 sprigs thyme, leaves only
* 4 cloves garlic
* 1/4 cup red wine vinegar
* Scant 1 tablespoon cayenne
* 3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
Coleslaw:
* 1 tablespoon whole-grain mustard
* 1 cup mayonnaise
* 1/4 cup sour cream
* 1/2 lemon, juiced
* 2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
* 2 teaspoons sugar
* 1/2 head savoy cabbage finely sliced
* 1/2 head purple cabbage, finely sliced
* 2 green onions, chopped
* 2 carrots, sliced on mandoline
* Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
* 6 brioche hamburger buns
* 1/4 bunch flat-leaf parsley, for garnish
Directions
Place the pork, fat side up, in a roasting pan fitted with a rack insert. Place the salt, pepper, brown sugar, paprika, thyme leaves, garlic, vinegar, and cayenne in a food processor and pulse until well combined. Add extra-virgin olive oil until you have a nice paste. Rub all over the pork, being sure to get into the nooks so the salt can penetrate the meat and pull out the moisture - this will help form a crust on the outside when cooked. Cover the pork with plastic wrap and marinate in the refrigerator for at least 3 hours or up to overnight.
Allow the meat to sit at room temperature for 30 minutes before cooking. Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F.
Roast the pork for 3 1/2 hours, uncovered, until the outside is crispy-brown (it should look like mahogany). Let the meat rest on a cutting board for 10 minutes before slicing.
While the pork is cooking, prepare the slaw. Combine the mustard, mayonnaise, sour cream, lemon juice, vinegar and sugar. Mix well and add finely sliced savoy cabbage, purple cabbage, green onions and carrots. Season with salt and pepper, to taste, cover with plastic wrap and set aside in the refrigerator until you are ready to serve.
To serve, cut the brioche buns in half and pile up some sliced pork. Top with a large spoonful of coleslaw and place the top half of the bun on top. Garnish with parsley.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
gettin there...
feb 20 & may 15 pics.
next 6 weeks C&C.
crunches & cardio, nuthin but.
no weights till july 1.
facebook and some dear friends
found some friends on facebook this week.
pam lived behind me on east park in my old hood of mesquite.
vickie and her brother mike are some of my dearest friends as kids growing up in mesquite. several years back i tried to find vickie many many times, but no luck. hope and pray i never loose touch with her again. she means the world to me. thank u lord. sr
Friday, May 14, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
7 Things to Stop Doing Now on Facebook
7 Things to Stop Doing Now on Facebook
by Consumer Reports Magazine
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
provided by
ConsumerReports
Using a Weak Password
Avoid simple names or words you can find in a dictionary, even with numbers tacked on the end. Instead, mix upper- and lower-case letters, numbers, and symbols. A password should have at least eight characters. One good technique is to insert numbers or symbols in the middle of a word, such as this variant on the word "houses": hO27usEs!
Leaving Your Full Birth Date in Your Profile
It's an ideal target for identity thieves, who could use it to obtain more information about you and potentially gain access to your bank or credit card account. If you've already entered a birth date, go to your profile page and click on the Info tab, then on Edit Information. Under the Basic Information section, choose to show only the month and day or no birthday at all.
Overlooking Useful Privacy Controls
For almost everything in your Facebook profile, you can limit access to only your friends, friends of friends, or yourself. Restrict access to photos, birth date, religious views, and family information, among other things. You can give only certain people or groups access to items such as photos, or block particular people from seeing them. Consider leaving out contact info, such as phone number and address, since you probably don't want anyone to have access to that information anyway.
Don't use a child's name in photo tags or captions. If someone else does, delete it by clicking on Remove Tag. If your child isn't on Facebook and someone includes his or her name in a caption, ask that person to remove the name.
Mentioning That You'll Be Away From Home
That's like putting a "no one's home" sign on your door. Wait until you get home to tell everyone how awesome your vacation was and be vague about the date of any trip.
Letting Search Engines Find You
To help prevent strangers from accessing your page, go to the Search section of Facebook's privacy controls and select Only Friends for Facebook search results. Be sure the box for public search results isn't checked.
Permitting Youngsters to Use Facebook Unsupervised
Facebook limits its members to ages 13 and over, but children younger than that do use it. If you have a young child or teenager on Facebook, the best way to provide oversight is to become one of their online friends. Use your e-mail address as the contact for their account so that you receive their notifications and monitor their activities. "What they think is nothing can actually be pretty serious," says Charles Pavelites, a supervisory special agent at the Internet Crime Complaint Center. For example, a child who posts the comment "Mom will be home soon, I need to do the dishes" every day at the same time is revealing too much about the parents' regular comings and goings.
Consumer Reports has no relationship with any advertisers on Yahoo!
Copyrighted 2009, Consumers Union of U.S., Inc. All Rights Reserved.
by Consumer Reports Magazine
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
provided by
ConsumerReports
Using a Weak Password
Avoid simple names or words you can find in a dictionary, even with numbers tacked on the end. Instead, mix upper- and lower-case letters, numbers, and symbols. A password should have at least eight characters. One good technique is to insert numbers or symbols in the middle of a word, such as this variant on the word "houses": hO27usEs!
Leaving Your Full Birth Date in Your Profile
It's an ideal target for identity thieves, who could use it to obtain more information about you and potentially gain access to your bank or credit card account. If you've already entered a birth date, go to your profile page and click on the Info tab, then on Edit Information. Under the Basic Information section, choose to show only the month and day or no birthday at all.
Overlooking Useful Privacy Controls
For almost everything in your Facebook profile, you can limit access to only your friends, friends of friends, or yourself. Restrict access to photos, birth date, religious views, and family information, among other things. You can give only certain people or groups access to items such as photos, or block particular people from seeing them. Consider leaving out contact info, such as phone number and address, since you probably don't want anyone to have access to that information anyway.
Don't use a child's name in photo tags or captions. If someone else does, delete it by clicking on Remove Tag. If your child isn't on Facebook and someone includes his or her name in a caption, ask that person to remove the name.
Mentioning That You'll Be Away From Home
That's like putting a "no one's home" sign on your door. Wait until you get home to tell everyone how awesome your vacation was and be vague about the date of any trip.
Letting Search Engines Find You
To help prevent strangers from accessing your page, go to the Search section of Facebook's privacy controls and select Only Friends for Facebook search results. Be sure the box for public search results isn't checked.
Permitting Youngsters to Use Facebook Unsupervised
Facebook limits its members to ages 13 and over, but children younger than that do use it. If you have a young child or teenager on Facebook, the best way to provide oversight is to become one of their online friends. Use your e-mail address as the contact for their account so that you receive their notifications and monitor their activities. "What they think is nothing can actually be pretty serious," says Charles Pavelites, a supervisory special agent at the Internet Crime Complaint Center. For example, a child who posts the comment "Mom will be home soon, I need to do the dishes" every day at the same time is revealing too much about the parents' regular comings and goings.
Consumer Reports has no relationship with any advertisers on Yahoo!
Copyrighted 2009, Consumers Union of U.S., Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
http://www.fineliving.com/fine/entertaining/article/0,2498,FINE_22197_5848812,00.html?nl=FLPC_40martinis_02
http://www.fineliving.com/fine/entertaining/article/0,2498,FINE_22197_5848812,00.html?nl=FLPC_40martinis_02
Monday, May 10, 2010
Profile of the Sociopath
common features of descriptions of the behavior of sociopaths.
* Glibness and Superficial Charm
* Manipulative and Conning
They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.
* Grandiose Sense of Self
Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."
* Pathological Lying
Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.
* Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.
* Shallow Emotions
When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.
* Incapacity for Love
* Need for Stimulation
Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.
* Callousness/Lack of Empathy
Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.
* Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.
* Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency
Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.
* Irresponsibility/Unreliability
Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.
* Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.
* Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.
* Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility
Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.
Other Related Qualities:
1. Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them
2. Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
3. Authoritarian
4. Secretive
5. Paranoid
6. Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired
7. Conventional appearance
8. Goal of enslavement of their victim(s)
9. Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim's life
10. Has an emotional need to justify their crimes and therefore needs their victim's affirmation (respect, gratitude and love)
11. Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim
12. Incapable of real human attachment to another
13. Unable to feel remorse or guilt
14. Extreme narcissism and grandiose
15. May state readily that their goal is to rule the world
(The above traits are based on the psychopathy checklists of H. Cleckley and R. Hare.)
NOTE: In the 1830's this disorder was called "moral insanity." By 1900 it was changed to "psychopathic personality." More recently it has been termed "antisocial personality disorder" in the DSM-III and DSM-IV. Some critics have complained that, in the attempt to rely only on 'objective' criteria, the DSM has broadened the concept to include too many individuals. The APD category includes people who commit illegal, immoral or self-serving acts for a variety of reasons and are not necessarily psychopaths.
DSM-IV Definition
Antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a lack of regard for the moral or legal standards in the local culture. There is a marked inability to get along with others or abide by societal rules. Individuals with this disorder are sometimes called psychopaths or sociopaths.
Diagnostic Criteria (DSM-IV)
1. Since the age of fifteen there has been a disregard for and violation of the right's of others, those right's considered normal by the local culture, as indicated by at least three of the following:
A. Repeated acts that could lead to arrest.
B. Conning for pleasure or profit, repeated lying, or the use of aliases.
C. Failure to plan ahead or being impulsive.
D. Repeated assaults on others.
E. Reckless when it comes to their or others safety.
F. Poor work behavior or failure to honor financial obligations.
G. Rationalizing the pain they inflict on others.
2. At least eighteen years in age.
3. Evidence of a Conduct Disorder, with its onset before the age of fifteen.
4. Symptoms not due to another mental disorder.
Antisocial Personality Disorder Overview (Written by Derek Wood, RN, BSN, PhD Candidate)
Antisocial Personality Disorder results in what is commonly known as a Sociopath. The criteria for this disorder require an ongoing disregard for the rights of others, since the age of 15 years. Some examples of this disregard are reckless disregard for the safety of themselves or others, failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors, deceitfulness such as repeated lying or deceit for personal profit or pleasure, and lack of remorse for actions that hurt other people in any way. Additionally, they must have evidenced a Conduct Disorder before the age of 15 years, and must be at least 18 years old to receive this diagnosis.
People with this disorder appear to be charming at times, and make relationships, but to them, these are relationships in name only. They are ended whenever necessary or when it suits them, and the relationships are without depth or meaning, including marriages. They seem to have an innate ability to find the weakness in people, and are ready to use these weaknesses to their own ends through deceit, manipulation, or intimidation, and gain pleasure from doing so.
They appear to be incapable of any true emotions, from love to shame to guilt. They are quick to anger, but just as quick to let it go, without holding grudges. No matter what emotion they state they have, it has no bearing on their future actions or attitudes.
They rarely are able to have jobs that last for any length of time, as they become easily bored, instead needing constant change. They live for the moment, forgetting the past, and not planning the future, not thinking ahead what consequences their actions will have. They want immediate rewards and gratification. There currently is no form of psychotherapy that works with those with antisocial personality disorder, as those with this disorder have no desire to change themselves, which is a prerequisite. No medication is available either. The only treatment is the prevention of the disorder in the early stages, when a child first begins to show the symptoms of conduct disorder.
THE PSYCHOPATH NEXT DOOR (Source: http://chericola57.tripod.com/infinite.html)
Psychopath. We hear the word and images of Bernardo, Manson and Dahmer pop into our heads; no doubt Ted Bundy too. But they're the bottom of the barrel -- most of the two million psychopaths in North America aren't murderers. They're our friends, lovers and co-workers. They're outgoing and persuasive, dazzling you with charm and flattery. Often you aren't even aware they've taken you for a ride -- until it's too late.
Psychopaths exhibit a Jekyll and Hyde personality. "They play a part so they can get what they want," says Dr. Sheila Willson, a Toronto psychologist who has helped victims of psychopaths. The guy who showers a woman with excessive attention is much more capable of getting her to lend him money, and to put up with him when he strays. The new employee who gains her co-workers' trust has more access to their chequebooks. And so on. Psychopaths have no conscience and their only goal is self-gratification. Many of us have been their victims -- at work, through friendships or relationships -- and not one of us can say, "a psychopath could never fool me."
Think you can spot one? Think again. In general, psychopaths aren't the product of broken homes or the casualties of a materialistic society. Rather they come from all walks of life and there is little evidence that their upbringing affects them. Elements of a psychopath's personality first become evident at a very early age, due to biological or genetic factors. Explains Michael Seto, a psychologist at the Centre for Addiction and Mental health in Toronto, by the time that a person hits their late teens, the disorder is almost certainly permanent. Although many clinicians use the terms psychopath and sociopath interchangeably, writes psychopath expert Robert Hare on his book 'Without Conscience', a sociopath's criminal behavior is shaped by social forces and is the result of a dysfunctional environment.
Psychopaths have only a shallow range of emotions and lack guilt, says Hare. They often see themselves as victims, and lack remorse or the ability to empathize with others. "Psychopaths play on the fact that most of us are trusting and forgiving people," adds Seto. The warning signs are always there; it's just difficult to see them because once we trust someone, the friendship becomes a blinder.
Even lovers get taken for a ride by psychopaths. For a psychopath, a romantic relationship is just another opportunity to find a trusting partner who will buy into the lies. It's primarily why a psychopath rarely stays in a relationship for the long term, and often is involved with three or four partners at once, says Willson. To a psychopath, everything about a relationship is a game. Willson refers to the movie 'Sliding Doors' to illustrate her point. In the film, the main character comes home early after just having been fired from her job. Only moments ago, her boyfriend has let another woman out the front door. But in a matter of minutes he is the attentive and concerned boyfriend, taking her out to dinner and devoting the entire night to comforting her. All the while he's planning to leave the next day on a trip with the other woman.
The boyfriend displays typical psychopathic characteristics because he falsely displays deep emotion toward the relationship, says Willson. In reality, he's less concerned with his girlfriend's depression than with making sure she's clueless about the other woman's existence. In the romance department, psychopaths have an ability to gain your affection quickly, disarming you with words, intriguing you with grandiose plans. If they cheat you'll forgive them, and one day when they've gone too far, they'll leave you with a broken heart (and an empty wallet). By then they'll have a new player for their game.
The problem with their game is that we don't often play by their rules. Where we might occasionally tell a white lie, a psychopath's lying is compulsive. Most of us experience some degree of guilt about lying, preventing us from exhibiting such behavior on a regular basis. "Psychopaths don't discriminate who it is they lie to or cheat," says Seto. "There's no distinction between friend, family and sucker."
No one wants to be the sucker, so how do we prevent ourselves from becoming close friends or getting into a relationship with a psychopath? It's really almost impossible, say Seto and Willson. Unfortunately, laments Seto, one way is to become more suspicious and less trusting of others. Our tendency is to forgive when we catch a loved one in a lie. "Psychopaths play on this fact," he says. "However, I'm certainly not advocating a world where if someone lies once or twice, you never speak to them again." What you can do is look at how often someone lies and how they react when caught. Psychopaths will lie over and over again, and where other people would sincerely apologize, a psychopath may apologize but won't stop.
Psychopaths also tend to switch jobs as frequently as they switch partners, mainly because they don't have the qualities to maintain a job for the long haul. Their performance is generally erratic, with chronic absences, misuse of company resources and failed commitments. Often they aren't even qualified for the job and use fake credentials to get it. Seto talks of a patient who would get marketing jobs based on his image; he was a presentable and charming man who layered his conversations with educational and occupational references. But it became evident that the man hadn't a clue what he was talking about, and was unable to hold down a job.
How do you make sure you don't get fooled when you're hiring someone to baby-sit your child or for any other job? Hire based on reputation and not image, says Willson. Check references thoroughly. Psychopaths tend to give vague and inconsistent replies. Of course the best way to solve this problem would be to cure psychopaths of their 'illness.' But there's no recipe for treating them, say psychiatrists. Today's traditional methods of psychotherapy (psychoanalysis, group and one-on-one therapy) and drug treatments have failed. Therapy is more likely to work when an individual admits there's a problem and wants to change. The common problem with psychopaths, says Sets, "Is they don't see a problem with their behavior."
Psychopaths don't seek therapy willingly, says Seto. Rather, they're pushed into it by a desperate relative or by a court order. To a psychopath, a therapist is just one more person who must be conned, and the psychopath plays the part right until the therapist is convinced of his or her 'rehabilitation.'
Even though we can't treat psychopaths effectively with therapy, it doesn't mean we can't protect ourselves, writes Hare. Willson agrees, citing the most important factor in keeping psychopaths at bay is to know your vulnerabilities. We need to "realize our own potential and maximize our strengths" so that our insecurities don't overcome us. Because, she says, a psychopath is a chameleon who becomes "an image of what you haven't done for yourself." Over time, she says, "their appearance of perfection will begin to crack," but by that time you will have been emotionally and perhaps financially scathed. There comes a time when you realize there's no point in searching for answers; the only thing is to move on.
Taken in part from MW -- By Caroline Konrad -- September 1999
THE MALIGNANT PERSONALITY:
These people are mentally ill and extremely dangerous! The following precautions will help to protect you from the destructive acts of which they are capable.
First, to recognize them, keep the following guidelines in mind.
(1) They are habitual liars. They seem incapable of either knowing or telling the truth about anything.
(2) They are egotistical to the point of narcissism. They really believe they are set apart from the rest of humanity by some special grace.
(3) They scapegoat; they are incapable of either having the insight or willingness to accept responsibility for anything they do. Whatever the problem, it is always someone else's fault.
(4) They are remorselessly vindictive when thwarted or exposed.
(5) Genuine religious, moral, or other values play no part in their lives. They have no empathy for others and are capable of violence. Under older psychological terminology, they fall into the category of psychopath or sociopath, but unlike the typical psychopath, their behavior is masked by a superficial social facade.
If you have come into conflict with such a person or persons, do the following immediately!
(1) Notify your friends and relatives of what has happened.
Do not be vague. Name names, and specify dates and circumstances. Identify witnesses if possible and provide supporting documentation if any is available.
(2) Inform the police. The police will do nothing with this information except to keep it on file, since they are powerless to act until a crime has been committed. Unfortunately, that often is usually too late for the victim. Nevertheless, place the information in their hands.
Obviously, if you are assaulted or threatened before witnesses, you can get a restraining order, but those are palliative at best.
(3) Local law enforcement agencies are usually under pressure if wealthy or politically powerful individuals are involved, so include state and federal agencies as well and tell the locals that you have. In my own experience, one agency that can help in a pinch is the Criminal Investigation Division of the Internal Revenue Service or (in Canada) Victims Services at your local police unit. It is not easy to think of the IRS as a potential friend, but a Swedish study showed that malignant types (the Swedes called them bullies) usually commit some felony or other by the age of twenty. If the family is wealthy, the fact may never come to light, but many felonies involve tax evasion, and in such cases, the IRS is interested indeed. If large amounts of money are involved, the IRS may solve all your problems for you. For obvious reasons the Drug Enforcement Agency may also be an appropriate agency to approach. The FBI is an important agency to contact, because although the FBI does not have jurisdiction over murder or assault, if informed, they do have an active interest in any other law enforcement agencies that do not follow through with an honest investigation and prosecution should a murder occur. Civil rights are involved at that point. No local crooked lawyer, judge, or corrupt police official wants to be within a country mile if that comes to light! It is in such cases that wealthy psychopaths discover just how firm the "friends" they count on to cover up for them really are! Even some of the drug cartel biggies will scuttle for cover if someone picks up the brick their thugs hide under. Exposure is bad for business.
(4) Make sure that several of your friends have the information in the event something happens to you. That way, an appropriate investigation will follow if you are harmed. Don't tell other people who has the information, because then something bad could happen to them as well. Instruct friends to take such an incident to the newspapers and other media.
If you are dealing with someone who has considerable money, you must realize that they probably won't try to harm you themselves, they will contract with someone to make the hit. The malignant type is a coward and will not expose himself or herself to personal danger if he or she can avoid it.
* Glibness and Superficial Charm
* Manipulative and Conning
They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.
* Grandiose Sense of Self
Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."
* Pathological Lying
Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.
* Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.
* Shallow Emotions
When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.
* Incapacity for Love
* Need for Stimulation
Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.
* Callousness/Lack of Empathy
Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.
* Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.
* Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency
Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.
* Irresponsibility/Unreliability
Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.
* Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.
* Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.
* Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility
Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.
Other Related Qualities:
1. Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them
2. Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
3. Authoritarian
4. Secretive
5. Paranoid
6. Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired
7. Conventional appearance
8. Goal of enslavement of their victim(s)
9. Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim's life
10. Has an emotional need to justify their crimes and therefore needs their victim's affirmation (respect, gratitude and love)
11. Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim
12. Incapable of real human attachment to another
13. Unable to feel remorse or guilt
14. Extreme narcissism and grandiose
15. May state readily that their goal is to rule the world
(The above traits are based on the psychopathy checklists of H. Cleckley and R. Hare.)
NOTE: In the 1830's this disorder was called "moral insanity." By 1900 it was changed to "psychopathic personality." More recently it has been termed "antisocial personality disorder" in the DSM-III and DSM-IV. Some critics have complained that, in the attempt to rely only on 'objective' criteria, the DSM has broadened the concept to include too many individuals. The APD category includes people who commit illegal, immoral or self-serving acts for a variety of reasons and are not necessarily psychopaths.
DSM-IV Definition
Antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a lack of regard for the moral or legal standards in the local culture. There is a marked inability to get along with others or abide by societal rules. Individuals with this disorder are sometimes called psychopaths or sociopaths.
Diagnostic Criteria (DSM-IV)
1. Since the age of fifteen there has been a disregard for and violation of the right's of others, those right's considered normal by the local culture, as indicated by at least three of the following:
A. Repeated acts that could lead to arrest.
B. Conning for pleasure or profit, repeated lying, or the use of aliases.
C. Failure to plan ahead or being impulsive.
D. Repeated assaults on others.
E. Reckless when it comes to their or others safety.
F. Poor work behavior or failure to honor financial obligations.
G. Rationalizing the pain they inflict on others.
2. At least eighteen years in age.
3. Evidence of a Conduct Disorder, with its onset before the age of fifteen.
4. Symptoms not due to another mental disorder.
Antisocial Personality Disorder Overview (Written by Derek Wood, RN, BSN, PhD Candidate)
Antisocial Personality Disorder results in what is commonly known as a Sociopath. The criteria for this disorder require an ongoing disregard for the rights of others, since the age of 15 years. Some examples of this disregard are reckless disregard for the safety of themselves or others, failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors, deceitfulness such as repeated lying or deceit for personal profit or pleasure, and lack of remorse for actions that hurt other people in any way. Additionally, they must have evidenced a Conduct Disorder before the age of 15 years, and must be at least 18 years old to receive this diagnosis.
People with this disorder appear to be charming at times, and make relationships, but to them, these are relationships in name only. They are ended whenever necessary or when it suits them, and the relationships are without depth or meaning, including marriages. They seem to have an innate ability to find the weakness in people, and are ready to use these weaknesses to their own ends through deceit, manipulation, or intimidation, and gain pleasure from doing so.
They appear to be incapable of any true emotions, from love to shame to guilt. They are quick to anger, but just as quick to let it go, without holding grudges. No matter what emotion they state they have, it has no bearing on their future actions or attitudes.
They rarely are able to have jobs that last for any length of time, as they become easily bored, instead needing constant change. They live for the moment, forgetting the past, and not planning the future, not thinking ahead what consequences their actions will have. They want immediate rewards and gratification. There currently is no form of psychotherapy that works with those with antisocial personality disorder, as those with this disorder have no desire to change themselves, which is a prerequisite. No medication is available either. The only treatment is the prevention of the disorder in the early stages, when a child first begins to show the symptoms of conduct disorder.
THE PSYCHOPATH NEXT DOOR (Source: http://chericola57.tripod.com/infinite.html)
Psychopath. We hear the word and images of Bernardo, Manson and Dahmer pop into our heads; no doubt Ted Bundy too. But they're the bottom of the barrel -- most of the two million psychopaths in North America aren't murderers. They're our friends, lovers and co-workers. They're outgoing and persuasive, dazzling you with charm and flattery. Often you aren't even aware they've taken you for a ride -- until it's too late.
Psychopaths exhibit a Jekyll and Hyde personality. "They play a part so they can get what they want," says Dr. Sheila Willson, a Toronto psychologist who has helped victims of psychopaths. The guy who showers a woman with excessive attention is much more capable of getting her to lend him money, and to put up with him when he strays. The new employee who gains her co-workers' trust has more access to their chequebooks. And so on. Psychopaths have no conscience and their only goal is self-gratification. Many of us have been their victims -- at work, through friendships or relationships -- and not one of us can say, "a psychopath could never fool me."
Think you can spot one? Think again. In general, psychopaths aren't the product of broken homes or the casualties of a materialistic society. Rather they come from all walks of life and there is little evidence that their upbringing affects them. Elements of a psychopath's personality first become evident at a very early age, due to biological or genetic factors. Explains Michael Seto, a psychologist at the Centre for Addiction and Mental health in Toronto, by the time that a person hits their late teens, the disorder is almost certainly permanent. Although many clinicians use the terms psychopath and sociopath interchangeably, writes psychopath expert Robert Hare on his book 'Without Conscience', a sociopath's criminal behavior is shaped by social forces and is the result of a dysfunctional environment.
Psychopaths have only a shallow range of emotions and lack guilt, says Hare. They often see themselves as victims, and lack remorse or the ability to empathize with others. "Psychopaths play on the fact that most of us are trusting and forgiving people," adds Seto. The warning signs are always there; it's just difficult to see them because once we trust someone, the friendship becomes a blinder.
Even lovers get taken for a ride by psychopaths. For a psychopath, a romantic relationship is just another opportunity to find a trusting partner who will buy into the lies. It's primarily why a psychopath rarely stays in a relationship for the long term, and often is involved with three or four partners at once, says Willson. To a psychopath, everything about a relationship is a game. Willson refers to the movie 'Sliding Doors' to illustrate her point. In the film, the main character comes home early after just having been fired from her job. Only moments ago, her boyfriend has let another woman out the front door. But in a matter of minutes he is the attentive and concerned boyfriend, taking her out to dinner and devoting the entire night to comforting her. All the while he's planning to leave the next day on a trip with the other woman.
The boyfriend displays typical psychopathic characteristics because he falsely displays deep emotion toward the relationship, says Willson. In reality, he's less concerned with his girlfriend's depression than with making sure she's clueless about the other woman's existence. In the romance department, psychopaths have an ability to gain your affection quickly, disarming you with words, intriguing you with grandiose plans. If they cheat you'll forgive them, and one day when they've gone too far, they'll leave you with a broken heart (and an empty wallet). By then they'll have a new player for their game.
The problem with their game is that we don't often play by their rules. Where we might occasionally tell a white lie, a psychopath's lying is compulsive. Most of us experience some degree of guilt about lying, preventing us from exhibiting such behavior on a regular basis. "Psychopaths don't discriminate who it is they lie to or cheat," says Seto. "There's no distinction between friend, family and sucker."
No one wants to be the sucker, so how do we prevent ourselves from becoming close friends or getting into a relationship with a psychopath? It's really almost impossible, say Seto and Willson. Unfortunately, laments Seto, one way is to become more suspicious and less trusting of others. Our tendency is to forgive when we catch a loved one in a lie. "Psychopaths play on this fact," he says. "However, I'm certainly not advocating a world where if someone lies once or twice, you never speak to them again." What you can do is look at how often someone lies and how they react when caught. Psychopaths will lie over and over again, and where other people would sincerely apologize, a psychopath may apologize but won't stop.
Psychopaths also tend to switch jobs as frequently as they switch partners, mainly because they don't have the qualities to maintain a job for the long haul. Their performance is generally erratic, with chronic absences, misuse of company resources and failed commitments. Often they aren't even qualified for the job and use fake credentials to get it. Seto talks of a patient who would get marketing jobs based on his image; he was a presentable and charming man who layered his conversations with educational and occupational references. But it became evident that the man hadn't a clue what he was talking about, and was unable to hold down a job.
How do you make sure you don't get fooled when you're hiring someone to baby-sit your child or for any other job? Hire based on reputation and not image, says Willson. Check references thoroughly. Psychopaths tend to give vague and inconsistent replies. Of course the best way to solve this problem would be to cure psychopaths of their 'illness.' But there's no recipe for treating them, say psychiatrists. Today's traditional methods of psychotherapy (psychoanalysis, group and one-on-one therapy) and drug treatments have failed. Therapy is more likely to work when an individual admits there's a problem and wants to change. The common problem with psychopaths, says Sets, "Is they don't see a problem with their behavior."
Psychopaths don't seek therapy willingly, says Seto. Rather, they're pushed into it by a desperate relative or by a court order. To a psychopath, a therapist is just one more person who must be conned, and the psychopath plays the part right until the therapist is convinced of his or her 'rehabilitation.'
Even though we can't treat psychopaths effectively with therapy, it doesn't mean we can't protect ourselves, writes Hare. Willson agrees, citing the most important factor in keeping psychopaths at bay is to know your vulnerabilities. We need to "realize our own potential and maximize our strengths" so that our insecurities don't overcome us. Because, she says, a psychopath is a chameleon who becomes "an image of what you haven't done for yourself." Over time, she says, "their appearance of perfection will begin to crack," but by that time you will have been emotionally and perhaps financially scathed. There comes a time when you realize there's no point in searching for answers; the only thing is to move on.
Taken in part from MW -- By Caroline Konrad -- September 1999
THE MALIGNANT PERSONALITY:
These people are mentally ill and extremely dangerous! The following precautions will help to protect you from the destructive acts of which they are capable.
First, to recognize them, keep the following guidelines in mind.
(1) They are habitual liars. They seem incapable of either knowing or telling the truth about anything.
(2) They are egotistical to the point of narcissism. They really believe they are set apart from the rest of humanity by some special grace.
(3) They scapegoat; they are incapable of either having the insight or willingness to accept responsibility for anything they do. Whatever the problem, it is always someone else's fault.
(4) They are remorselessly vindictive when thwarted or exposed.
(5) Genuine religious, moral, or other values play no part in their lives. They have no empathy for others and are capable of violence. Under older psychological terminology, they fall into the category of psychopath or sociopath, but unlike the typical psychopath, their behavior is masked by a superficial social facade.
If you have come into conflict with such a person or persons, do the following immediately!
(1) Notify your friends and relatives of what has happened.
Do not be vague. Name names, and specify dates and circumstances. Identify witnesses if possible and provide supporting documentation if any is available.
(2) Inform the police. The police will do nothing with this information except to keep it on file, since they are powerless to act until a crime has been committed. Unfortunately, that often is usually too late for the victim. Nevertheless, place the information in their hands.
Obviously, if you are assaulted or threatened before witnesses, you can get a restraining order, but those are palliative at best.
(3) Local law enforcement agencies are usually under pressure if wealthy or politically powerful individuals are involved, so include state and federal agencies as well and tell the locals that you have. In my own experience, one agency that can help in a pinch is the Criminal Investigation Division of the Internal Revenue Service or (in Canada) Victims Services at your local police unit. It is not easy to think of the IRS as a potential friend, but a Swedish study showed that malignant types (the Swedes called them bullies) usually commit some felony or other by the age of twenty. If the family is wealthy, the fact may never come to light, but many felonies involve tax evasion, and in such cases, the IRS is interested indeed. If large amounts of money are involved, the IRS may solve all your problems for you. For obvious reasons the Drug Enforcement Agency may also be an appropriate agency to approach. The FBI is an important agency to contact, because although the FBI does not have jurisdiction over murder or assault, if informed, they do have an active interest in any other law enforcement agencies that do not follow through with an honest investigation and prosecution should a murder occur. Civil rights are involved at that point. No local crooked lawyer, judge, or corrupt police official wants to be within a country mile if that comes to light! It is in such cases that wealthy psychopaths discover just how firm the "friends" they count on to cover up for them really are! Even some of the drug cartel biggies will scuttle for cover if someone picks up the brick their thugs hide under. Exposure is bad for business.
(4) Make sure that several of your friends have the information in the event something happens to you. That way, an appropriate investigation will follow if you are harmed. Don't tell other people who has the information, because then something bad could happen to them as well. Instruct friends to take such an incident to the newspapers and other media.
If you are dealing with someone who has considerable money, you must realize that they probably won't try to harm you themselves, they will contract with someone to make the hit. The malignant type is a coward and will not expose himself or herself to personal danger if he or she can avoid it.
smokin ronnie's BBQ wisdom...
1. BBQ is ready when it is ready (so don’t hurry).
2. Less is more. Less smoke, less rub, less add-on’s.
3. Opening your smoker is bad.
4. Too tender is good.
5. Foiling is good.
6. Grilling is not barbequing. BBQ is low and slow.
7. Always have fun when you BBQ, even if the results are otherwise.
2. Less is more. Less smoke, less rub, less add-on’s.
3. Opening your smoker is bad.
4. Too tender is good.
5. Foiling is good.
6. Grilling is not barbequing. BBQ is low and slow.
7. Always have fun when you BBQ, even if the results are otherwise.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
lying
RELATIONSHIPS
Hitched
Dating 101: How to Tell If Your Guy Is Lying
A former ex-CIA polygraph examiner offers tips to help identify if your boyfriend is fibbing.
By Nicole Jurick for Hitchedmag.com
It's not always easy to recognize when your guy isn't telling the truth. But there are subtle cues that indicate he's trying to fudge the facts. To help awaken your inner lie detector -- and prevent dishonesty from floating in your relationship -- we called in ex-CIA polygraph examiner Dan Crum, author of the new book "Is He Lying To You?"
At one time or another your guy has probably said something that sounded a little fishy. The bachelor party ended at 10 p.m.; the auto mechanic made him invest in a bigger engine; he's allergic to opera. In fact, men tell twice as many lies as women, most of which are just little white lies, according to a new survey from 20th Century Fox to mark the DVD launch of the TV series "Lie To Me."
"Men lie to preserve their ego," Crum explains. "They don't want to spoil the reputation they've worked hard to earn." So if he wants you to think of him as reliable, he may fib that he made that phone call to the insurance company a week ago -- and then make a note to do it tomorrow. Other times, lying is simply the easy way out, especially if he thinks the truth will get him in trouble, Crum says. Maybe he drove his female coworker home because her car broke down, but tells you he drove home alone so you won't get worked up.
Even though small fibs seem harmless, these little white lies can undermine a sense of trust in your relationship. "When men get away with small, insignificant fibs, it builds their lying comfort level," Crum says. "The more practice he gets, the higher your risk that he'll lie about bigger things down the line." But you don't need to hook him up to a polygraph machine to pick up on deception. These simple tactics can help you spot the lie, get him talking truthfully, and pave the way for a more trusting and honest relationship.
1. Take a mental picture of his usual behavior. The way your guy behaves verbally and non-verbally when he's relaxed is what Crum calls a man's WIN (what is normal). The next time you are talking about the weather, plans for the weekend, or any other no-pressure topic, take note of his WIN -- does he clear his throat or gesture when he speaks? Only when you know his WIN will you be able to pick up on the subtle changes in body language, speech, and tone of voice that occur when he's trying to hide something.
2. Watch his posture. You can notice the first sign of deception by watching how your guy's body reacts to a question. "When a man is at ease, he typically sits back in the chair, rests his hands on his legs or the arms of a chair, and crosses his legs," Crum says. These restful positions are called his sleep points. A question that he feels is threatening will cause those sleep points to "wake up." You'll notice him sit up, lean forward, uncross his legs, or display a new hand gesture.
3. Ask the right questions. If your guy gave you reason to suspect he is lying and you want the truth, the way in which you question him can make or break his admission, says Crum. Let's say you ask him if he enjoyed the lunch that you packed him for work. If he says yes, but based on the reaction of his sleep points you feel like he's lying, your best strategy is to drop the subject for now. "If you accuse him of lying or bombard him with questions, he'll either go on the defensive or continue lying," Crum says. "Plus, he'll be more on guard next time you bring it up." Instead, give yourself time to find evidence that he's lying, or think about how you want to approach the subject next time. Then, try one of these questioning strategies:
4. Ask an assumptive question. If you think he is being untruthful, you can turn that assumption into a question. In this case, you might assume that he went out for lunch and ask, "Where did you end up going for lunch yesterday?" "This creates the opportunity for him to acknowledge the truth without feeling pressured," Crum explains. "Plus, because the question forces him to come up with more than a yes or no response, it may be easier for him to come clean rather than think of an answer that makes sense."
5. Use a bait question. If you find evidence of deception -- maybe you found the bag of lunch in the back of his car or a receipt from the pizzeria near his office -- you can use that evidence as bait to force an explanation. Try: "Is there any reason why there's a receipt for $10 from the pizzeria yesterday?" By asking about the evidence -- not pointing fingers -- he doesn't feel personally attacked, which makes him more likely to be honest. And maybe he'll admit that he doesn't really like tuna casserole, even if it was packed with love.
The Signs of Deception
If you still suspect your man is lying, note the common signs of deception so you can decide for yourself if he's being honest. These signals should throw up a red flag:
Listen for:
Stalling for time: "Can we talk about this later?" or repeating the question.
Defensiveness: "I don't have to answer that."
Excuses: "I would never do that." Or, "I would never jeopardize our relationship."
Searching for specifics: "What's your point?" Or, "What are you trying to figure out?"
What ifs: "What if I said yes?"
Amnesia: "Not that I can remember." Or, "To the best of my knowledge..."
Details: Truthful men tell you the truth and answer your question, not tell you the whole story behind the truth. Deceptive men load up their response with more details than are necessary to answer your question.
Guilt twists: "Do you really think I would do that?" Or, "I thought you trusted me."
Sounds: Clearing his throat, coughing, voice change.
Qualifiers: "To be perfectly honest..." Or, "To tell you the truth..."
Look for:
Fidgeting: Leg movements, shifting, tapping his fingers
Gesturing: Such as rubbing or wringing hands
Adjusting: Messing with his watch, glasses, or jewelry
Biting or inspecting his nails
Abnormal eye contact
Cleaning up his surroundings: Particularly when he's not usually a cleaner
Wiping sweat
Read more articles from Hitched at hitchedmag.com.
Hitched
Dating 101: How to Tell If Your Guy Is Lying
A former ex-CIA polygraph examiner offers tips to help identify if your boyfriend is fibbing.
By Nicole Jurick for Hitchedmag.com
It's not always easy to recognize when your guy isn't telling the truth. But there are subtle cues that indicate he's trying to fudge the facts. To help awaken your inner lie detector -- and prevent dishonesty from floating in your relationship -- we called in ex-CIA polygraph examiner Dan Crum, author of the new book "Is He Lying To You?"
At one time or another your guy has probably said something that sounded a little fishy. The bachelor party ended at 10 p.m.; the auto mechanic made him invest in a bigger engine; he's allergic to opera. In fact, men tell twice as many lies as women, most of which are just little white lies, according to a new survey from 20th Century Fox to mark the DVD launch of the TV series "Lie To Me."
"Men lie to preserve their ego," Crum explains. "They don't want to spoil the reputation they've worked hard to earn." So if he wants you to think of him as reliable, he may fib that he made that phone call to the insurance company a week ago -- and then make a note to do it tomorrow. Other times, lying is simply the easy way out, especially if he thinks the truth will get him in trouble, Crum says. Maybe he drove his female coworker home because her car broke down, but tells you he drove home alone so you won't get worked up.
Even though small fibs seem harmless, these little white lies can undermine a sense of trust in your relationship. "When men get away with small, insignificant fibs, it builds their lying comfort level," Crum says. "The more practice he gets, the higher your risk that he'll lie about bigger things down the line." But you don't need to hook him up to a polygraph machine to pick up on deception. These simple tactics can help you spot the lie, get him talking truthfully, and pave the way for a more trusting and honest relationship.
1. Take a mental picture of his usual behavior. The way your guy behaves verbally and non-verbally when he's relaxed is what Crum calls a man's WIN (what is normal). The next time you are talking about the weather, plans for the weekend, or any other no-pressure topic, take note of his WIN -- does he clear his throat or gesture when he speaks? Only when you know his WIN will you be able to pick up on the subtle changes in body language, speech, and tone of voice that occur when he's trying to hide something.
2. Watch his posture. You can notice the first sign of deception by watching how your guy's body reacts to a question. "When a man is at ease, he typically sits back in the chair, rests his hands on his legs or the arms of a chair, and crosses his legs," Crum says. These restful positions are called his sleep points. A question that he feels is threatening will cause those sleep points to "wake up." You'll notice him sit up, lean forward, uncross his legs, or display a new hand gesture.
3. Ask the right questions. If your guy gave you reason to suspect he is lying and you want the truth, the way in which you question him can make or break his admission, says Crum. Let's say you ask him if he enjoyed the lunch that you packed him for work. If he says yes, but based on the reaction of his sleep points you feel like he's lying, your best strategy is to drop the subject for now. "If you accuse him of lying or bombard him with questions, he'll either go on the defensive or continue lying," Crum says. "Plus, he'll be more on guard next time you bring it up." Instead, give yourself time to find evidence that he's lying, or think about how you want to approach the subject next time. Then, try one of these questioning strategies:
4. Ask an assumptive question. If you think he is being untruthful, you can turn that assumption into a question. In this case, you might assume that he went out for lunch and ask, "Where did you end up going for lunch yesterday?" "This creates the opportunity for him to acknowledge the truth without feeling pressured," Crum explains. "Plus, because the question forces him to come up with more than a yes or no response, it may be easier for him to come clean rather than think of an answer that makes sense."
5. Use a bait question. If you find evidence of deception -- maybe you found the bag of lunch in the back of his car or a receipt from the pizzeria near his office -- you can use that evidence as bait to force an explanation. Try: "Is there any reason why there's a receipt for $10 from the pizzeria yesterday?" By asking about the evidence -- not pointing fingers -- he doesn't feel personally attacked, which makes him more likely to be honest. And maybe he'll admit that he doesn't really like tuna casserole, even if it was packed with love.
The Signs of Deception
If you still suspect your man is lying, note the common signs of deception so you can decide for yourself if he's being honest. These signals should throw up a red flag:
Listen for:
Stalling for time: "Can we talk about this later?" or repeating the question.
Defensiveness: "I don't have to answer that."
Excuses: "I would never do that." Or, "I would never jeopardize our relationship."
Searching for specifics: "What's your point?" Or, "What are you trying to figure out?"
What ifs: "What if I said yes?"
Amnesia: "Not that I can remember." Or, "To the best of my knowledge..."
Details: Truthful men tell you the truth and answer your question, not tell you the whole story behind the truth. Deceptive men load up their response with more details than are necessary to answer your question.
Guilt twists: "Do you really think I would do that?" Or, "I thought you trusted me."
Sounds: Clearing his throat, coughing, voice change.
Qualifiers: "To be perfectly honest..." Or, "To tell you the truth..."
Look for:
Fidgeting: Leg movements, shifting, tapping his fingers
Gesturing: Such as rubbing or wringing hands
Adjusting: Messing with his watch, glasses, or jewelry
Biting or inspecting his nails
Abnormal eye contact
Cleaning up his surroundings: Particularly when he's not usually a cleaner
Wiping sweat
Read more articles from Hitched at hitchedmag.com.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
1205 east park dr. mesquite tx.
the house i was raised in from 1961 to 1976.
it looked much better back then fo sho.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Che Guevara
Cuban doctors working in Bolivia have saved the sight of the man who executed revolutionary leader Che Guevara in 1967, Cuban official media report. Mario Teran, a Bolivian army sergeant, shot dead Che Guevara after he was captured in Bolivia’s eastern lowlands.
Cuban media reported news of the surgery ahead of the 40th anniversary of Che’s death on 9 October.
Mr Teran had cataracts removed under a Cuban programme to offer free eye treatment across Latin America.
The operation on Mr Teran took place last year and was first revealed when his son wrote to a Bolivian newspaper to thank the Cuban doctors for restoring his father’s sight.But Cuban media took up the story at the weekend as the island prepares for commemorations to mark Che Guevara’s death 40 years ago.
“Four decades after Mario Teran attempted to destroy a dream and an idea, Che returns to win yet another battle,” the Communist Party’s official newspaper Granma proclaimed.
“Now an old man, he [Teran] can once again appreciate the colours of the sky and the forest, enjoy the smiles of his grandchildren and watch football games.”
Wounded
Che Guevara, who played a key role in the Cuban revolution of 1959, traveled to Bolivia in 1966 to start a social revolution.
But in October 1967, the Bolivian army, with assistance from the CIA, captured Guevara and his remaining fighters.
Che Guevara, wounded in the fighting, was taken to a schoolhouse in the village of La Higuera on 8 October where the soldiers debated what to do with him.
Mario Teran is reported to have drawn the short straw and been ordered to execute the captured guerrilla.
Che Guevara was killed on 9 October and his body taken to a hospital in nearby Vallegrande, where his corpse was paraded before the world’s media.
In 1997 his remains were discovered, exhumed and returned to Cuba, where he was reburied.
Monday, May 3, 2010
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